


Love in the Green

by Gabriels_Mourning



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Gwaine/Morgana implied, Young Mordred - Freeform, mergana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 22:12:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8419207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabriels_Mourning/pseuds/Gabriels_Mourning
Summary: Morgana has just gotten divorced and isn't ready for a relationship.  But when Merlin comes along, and she can't keep her hands off him, maybe things need to work out better for her, for once.  Mergana (of-bloody-course!)Arwen (implied)Don't hate Gwaine, he's just... Gwaine?Morgana and Merlin modern set.





	1. Chapter 1

Love in the Green

Morgana put the phone down with a sigh and leaned back in her chair.  Her head hurt.  In fact, so much of her hurt that she could barely think straight.  She heard the creak of a leather chair outside and looked up as Gwen came through the office door with a commiserating smile. 

“You okay?” the kind hearted woman asked softly.  Gwen was as kind a person as Morgana had ever met.  She was relatively alone in her role as a Primary School Principal.  There were the usual associations, of course, but there wasn’t really anyone other than Gwen that Morgana would have gone out of her way to spend time with.  She looked down at the phone.  Especially now.  She’d been dropped like… well, emotional refuse if nothing else.  Nobody wanted a part of her messy private life.  Except Gwen.  She looked back up again and smiled at her.  Gwen was a friend that walked forwards when everybody else backed away. 

“I’m officially an old, divorced ex-wife.”  Gwen pursed her lips and frowned in concern at Morgana’s words. 

“It’s not like that, Morgana.  You’re hardly last year’s model.  I’m sure you’ve still got a few good miles under the hood.”  Gwen giggled and Morgana rolled her eyes with a huge smile at her friend, and a helpless laugh.

“You mean if it hasn’t rusted from disuse,” she retorted.  Gwen laughed then and sat in the chair at the desk in front of her.  “With the amount of sex Gwaine was having throughout this marriage, it’s surprising he didn’t just roll onto me by mistake.”  Gwen shifted uncomfortably and Morgana trailed off.  “Dear god, please tell me that he didn’t…”  Gwen shrugged, looking pained.

“I didn’t want to say anything.  Of course I didn’t, but he still tried.” 

“That’s why you and Arthur left so suddenly that night at the house.”  Morgana looked down at her fingers and unclenched the fists she’d unconsciously formed.  She took off her glasses and folded them neatly before putting them on the desk.  “I can’t tell if I’m pissed that you didn’t tell me or that Arthur didn’t snot him one.”  Gwen looked down at her own fingers, and rolled her engagement ring around her finger a few times.

“He wanted to.  But… I don’t know.  I might have had it wrong.  He was always a flirt.”  Morgana didn’t reply, but nodded wordlessly.  “Some people aren’t meant to be married, but it sucks that we didn’t find that out until after.”  Morgana laughed bitterly then.

“You’re telling me.”  She breathed deeply before gathering herself and running her hand through her wealth of hair, teasing it up a bit and emptying her lungs in a low sigh before forcing a smile onto her face.

“How’s Mordred handling everything?”  Morgana’s resolute expression faded as she looked to the side of her desk and found the picture of her son and her hugging happily.  She was dressed as a witch and he was a knight, for last Halloween. 

“Not well.  He’s right there with me, of course, and we’re leaning on each other, but he feels betrayed.  Of course he does.  He’s been with us for less than three years, and now his father-figure has up and left.  I’m doing what I can.  You and Arthur are being a real help, but with everything that’s going on, I’m worried about him.  He’s closing off awfully fast.”  Gwen smiled kindly again.

“I know he knows he’s lucky to have you.  And he’s just protecting himself,” Gwen pointed out gently.  Morgana shrugged, dismissing the point. 

“I know.  If he’d only talk to me, or one of the teachers.  Someone.”  Morgana’s frustration was evident as Gwen stood up and held her hands in front of her for a moment. 

“He’s a good boy.  He’ll be okay.  You both will.”  She gave another of those kind smiles and left, turning back in the doorway. 

“Don’t forget, you’ve got the architect meeting at four, after the staff meeting?  I’ve got Mordred for the drive home.”  Morgana blinked and swore as Gwen tapped her watch and closed the door.  She hurriedly gathered her things and scooped up her glasses as her watch beeped and her phone followed suit, reminding her of the meeting she was about to run late for. 

∞∞₸∞∞

The meeting naturally ran late, considering Morgana had another appointment afterwards, so she rang Gwen from the car to let her know.  Surprisingly, Gwen answered with peal after peal of laughter.

“Hey, Moggie.  How far away are you?”  When they were outside of the office, Gwen often took her affection almost a step too far, and if Morgana didn’t love her like a sister, she’d have words with her over it.  But then, nobody else treated her as familiarly as what Gwen did, and Morgana admittedly would have missed it. 

“About fifteen minutes, if the traffic plays nice.  Is Arthur there?” she asked, as the silverly laughter wasn’t something that Mordred usually would have been a party of.  He was a very serious child, normally.  Unless it was just the two of them.  Then she heard Mordred squeal with laughter and her curiosity grew, though she couldn’t tell if she was on speakerphone without asking, and she didn’t want to embarrass herself. 

“No, no,” Gwen answered, and Morgana heard clothing rustle and a deep voice murmur something.  “I actually know your appointment!” she chimed in teasingly.  “He’s an old friend.  He was the roommate of an old friend…”  Gwen hesitated on the last, and Morgana bit her lip in a knowing smile. 

“Have you snogged him?”  She asked it generally, guessing at Gwen’s blushing face and the phone crackled statically at her as Gwen hurriedly tried to turn her off speakerphone. 

“Now now, Morgana, that’s not nice.”  Morgana laughed at her defensiveness and flustered tone.  It wasn’t often that Morgana got one over on the Gwen, but her romantic history was one subject in which Gwen was far more experienced that she’d ever let on to anyone else.  But Morgana put up with “Moggie” so she figured she was owed.

“Old friend, huh?  I’ll expect a full report.  I’m making pasta, if you want to stay and have a glass of wine?”  The speaker rustled as Gwen’s curly hair brushed against it over the microphone. 

“Arthur is opening up another gym centre tonight, so I have to be there to drive home.”  Morgana could almost hear the smirk in her friend’s voice. 

“Great.  You’ll be having drunken monkey sex with my brother.  Just what I need to not be thinking about with my rusted parts.”  Gwen laughed at Morgana’s tone and didn’t say anything for a moment as that deep murmur happened again in the background.  There was a canine whine, as well, and Morgana narrowed her eyes. 

“Arthur’s just a little more open to things when he’s had a few celebratory drinks, that’s all.”  She spoke incomprehensibly for a moment, clearly talking to either a pet or a baby.  “Nothing to worry about.  How far now?”  Morgana beeped the horn as she turned into the small court and Gwen waved, still on the phone.  There was an old grey truck parked on the side of the street outside of her modest home with the driver side door open and a figure hunched over the steering wheel from outside, fiddling with a folder and a small camera, and Morgana pulled into the driveway and slipped her handbag over her wrist as she got out, leaving the car on the concrete.  Mordred looked up as she pressed the button on the car, locking it, and waved to them.  Gwen tucked her phone back into her handbag and smiled at her as Mordred stood up.  In front of him was a large dog, lying on its back and looking back up as if wondering why its petting had stopped.  It rolled over and gave a low whine of disapproval.  Morgana stopped and reached out for Mordred quickly. 

“Kilgarrah!” warned a deep tone.  The dog sat quickly and the growl stopped instantly.  The man whose designs had caught Morgana’s eye stepped around the side of the truck cabin and stopped as he caught sight of Morgana.  His lip twitched as he stared and then his blue eyes shifted away from her, almost reprimanding himself as his mouth curved into a rueful smile that was right on the edge of being something of a sexy smirk.  He pursed his lips together as he came around the end of the tailgate and tapped it.  The dog leapt up and wagged its tail at him affectionately as he rubbed its ears. 

“He’s a ridgeback, Mrs Pendragon.  More likely to ignore you than growl.  He’s a good dog, and I’ve never seen him take so quickly to anyone.  Your boy must have a good soul.”  Gwen looked between them and a small smile came out as Morgana looked down at Mordred in her arms and smiled at him. 

“Way to a mother’s heart is through her children, Mr Emerys.  Thank you for waiting, I’m sorry, I was kept with work, and I know I promised…” he waved a hand and she trailed off.

“Please.  Call me Merlin.  It’s fine.  I hope you don’t mind, but I took a few establishing shots, so I have something to go with.  Once I’ve got a better idea of the place, we can move forward with some design choices.  I barely noticed the time.”  His face met Mordred’s gaze, and he winked slowly at the boy.  “Besides, it gave young Mordred here some time to steal Kilgarrah away from me.”  He walked over and held his hand out to her.  There was ink on his fingers, but plain callouses, too, showing he wasn’t afraid to work hard for his craft.  His hand was warm and gentle with her, but as she looked up into his face, she realised that over his shoulder, Gwen was smirking at her meaningfully.  Morgana looked away hurriedly as she felt her pale skin blush red.  Mordred pulled away from her and moved back to the dog, who craned his head to give the small boy access to the back of the dog’s ears. 

“What sort of dog is he, sorry?” she asked, moving her hair back over her ear as she smiled at him.  Merlin moved back to help Mordred up the back of the truck safely, and she followed, standing next to Gwen, who bumped her shoulder companionably. 

“Rhodesian Ridgeback.”  Merlin looked at Gwen and grinned at her answer.  He had a warm, brightening smile.  Gwen answered it with her own, and Morgana felt a flash of unreasonable jealousy.  She cleared her throat and quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“Do you want to come inside?” she asked, hating that her voice cracked in uncertainty as she did so.    Gwen’s eyes darted between the two of them and she smiled knowingly as Merlin’s eyes slid into Morgana’s, unsettling her further.  “To see the rest of the house, I mean?” 

“Sounds great.  Lead the way?” he said, offering her to walk in front of him.  Gwen and Mordred stayed with Kilgarrah by the truck as Merlin and Morgana went inside.  His camera in his hand, he took several shots and focussed on strange aspects that Morgana didn’t truly understand, but didn’t question.  They didn’t speak a great deal as they moved through each room until they came to the kitchen.  Merlin cast a sidelong glace at her but didn’t say anything, and Morgana found herself curious even though she was glad he could keep it professional. 

“What?” she pressed, opening up the distance between them by asking his opinion. 

“Are you much of a cook, aside from necessity?”  It somehow wasn’t grating when he asked, but Morgana felt compelled to be honest with him.  It took her some time, as she came to him with a folder of ideas she’d selected from the internet that she’d left out on the dining table when she’d been far more organised in the morning.  Morgana was a morning person, through and through.  By early afternoon, she was looking for a cup of tea and a nap. 

“I can handle the basics,” she begrudged.  Merlin smiled and nodded before hiding behind his camera lens once more.  “Modern woman, no time, and all that.  As long as Mordred eats well, that’s all that matters.”  Merlin paused as something clearly flitted quickly behind his eyes, and then raised the camera again, pointing it towards the lounge room.  Again, Morgana found herself wanting to know what he was thinking.  Merlin caught her look as he turned and took a picture of the east ceiling join. 

“It’s not my place,” he apologized and took the folder in her hands.  Morgana stepped closer to him and looked up into his eyes, not letting go.  Merlin breathed in slowly and tried not to concentrate on how his entire being suddenly concentrated on the fact that their fingers were touching.  Morgana tilted her head to the side and bit her lip for a second, thoroughly rattling him.

“You know those people that can’t handle something so everyone goes around them, and they continue on in blissful ignorance until their entire world is built on what everyone else things is best for them?  That’s not me.  I don’t like it when people hold back around me.  I’ve had enough of that in my life.  Up until recently, I was married to it.”  She held her finger up, showing the pale band contrasting against her skin.  Expecting him to back off, she stayed where she was, and was somewhat nonplussed when he leaned forwards, putting the camera on the bench behind her and coming in close.

“Okay, Morgana Grace Pendragon.  I see you standing against everything that’s washing over you, solid and hard as a rock for the sake of your son, focusing on him because he’s your lighthouse in the storm you’re going through.  You’re holding onto him as tightly as you can, trying to make sense of everything that’s rushing around you and to the detriment of yourself, you’re utterly convinced that if Mordred turns out okay, that you haven’t done a bad job and that you’re not what your ex makes you think you are.  But what you REALLY are is tired and stressed.  You hate where you are and who you are, and you don’t realise that both are beautiful and well worth it.  So what I’m going to do is I’m going to shut my mouth and do my best to make you a wonderful house that feels nothing like the old one and instead creates something wonderful for you and Mordred.  All of that being said, and with the knowledge that you hate being told home truths and that this will do nothing for me, I’m going to let you know that I’d love to go to dinner with you one night.  We can discuss the ideas for your house, but to be perfectly honest, it’s more because I think you need to get out, and I’d love to hear more about someone that I honestly find attractive regardless of my own fears and insecurities.  But I’m not going to push, I’m going to leave, for tonight at least.  Because it feels like you’ve had a rough day and you could do with a glass of wine and your feet up instead of being dragged out where I can find out more about you.  Because that is something that I want to take my time doing.”  He picked the camera back up and gave her a polite nod of his head, before turning and showing himself out.  Morgana took a breath as the door closed behind him and then another. 

“Son of a bitch.”  She narrowed her eyes.  There was no way she was going to give him the satisfaction.  Unless that’s all she took from him.  He wanted a piece and maybe it was time to get back into the game, if only for something simple, like sex.  Morgana ran her hands through her hair and took another breath to cool down.  Arthur had already said he wanted to take Mordred paintballing this weekend.  Another flush crept up Morgana’s cheeks as the door opened and she hurriedly checked herself, as though she’d been caught making out.  Gwen grinned naughtily at her expression as they came around the corner, and Morgana blushed again and then laughed.  What the hell.

∞∞Ŧ∞∞

Merlin’s phone beeped an hour later. 

“Friday.  7pm.  You can pick me up.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Morgana has decided to give things with Merlin a chance... Problem is... feels. Dem bloody feels.   
> Enjoy. :D

She could blame the wine?  Or maybe say she got roofied…?  Except that he’d never do that.  Jealousy that Gwaine had been out screwing everything with a heartbeat and that his buddies probably thought it was a good laugh, or something to be congratulated on?  Except that she REALLY liked him.  Which could have been the wine.  Maybe he was wearing one of those fandangled pheromone aftershaves that supposedly turned women on beyond reason?  Made them act like men.  That could be it.  That could totally be it.  He was being distractingly good-smelling just behind her.  If she didn’t find her keys soon, she was going to kick the door in.  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d made love, although she knew it was to her former husband.  Before that…  Why was she thinking about those things?  Merlin’s hands gripped her hips and Morgana’s thighs twitched just before she moaned low in the back of her throat.  Why did this feel so right, so good?  She turned around in his arms and jumped on his lanky frame, wrapping her legs around him and kissing him carnally.  Merlin’s hands gripped her hair and Morgana suddenly had had enough.  She lurched off him and upended her clutch on the doormat, seeing the keys spill out and snatching them up.  Merlin gave a quiet laugh that oozed sensuously across her skin and she turned around and grabbed his shirt, dragging him inside.  Merlin remained a gentleman for the rest of the evening, right up until she didn’t want him to.  Which was all of ten minutes, the first time. 

∞∞Ŧ∞∞ 

The next time was different.  Or at least it began that way.  It had ended the same; both of them lathered in sweat and panting in one another’s arms.  Morgana checked her neck in the mirror again as she hurried through the Saturday morning traffic.  She thoroughly loved how wild she drove Merlin, but when she did it and was lost in the moment, begging his teeth across her skin, thoughts of remaining presentable for the school board or brunch with her best friend in four hours time weren’t coherent.  Well, not coherent enough to matter.  Things with Merlin were easy.  He picked up on how things worked easily and quickly.  If she emailed him, it was about the house.  If she texted him, it was about stress relief.  If she rang him, it was about being annoyed at still wearing panties.  The problems began when the texting and the ringing occurred more often that the emails.  They mounted when the emails turned into setting up dinners to discuss the house, which naturally turned into breaking his desk.  He’d assured her mortified giggles that it wasn’t a problem, but Morgana still blamed him in the end.  How was she meant to concentrate when he sat with an open buttoned shirt showing her his ribs scored with her nails and bites on his hip bones?  Just the thought of it had her completely distracted at work.  She still hadn’t told Gwen.  It was coming up though.  Morgana hadn’t wanted to label what they were doing other than that the sex was fantastic and she didn’t want it to stop and that he was so easy to be with that nothing had gone wrong since they’d met three months ago.  His birthday was coming up, and she was already planning on a school uniform themed strip tease, when she could find the time.  There was only so much paintball that Arthur could play, and Gwen was beginning to question Morgana’s sudden obsession with laser tag, too.  But it would be alright, she thought, squirming in her seat and trying to scour images of Merlin arching up beneath her, lathered in sweat and everything else as he tried his hardest to hold on while she tried her hardest to get him off.  She loved how he made her feel.  Sexy and powerful.  Coffee, and Gwen, she admonished herself.  Concentrate.  Merlin wasn’t there.  She didn’t need to think about his every little smile and smirk and the way his fingers felt when they dug into her back and massaged her worries away.  Or when he unleashed sensual heaven on her and massaged her head.  She’d passed out several times when he’d done that, waking in bed alone hours later with a small post it with a smiley face and xoxo on the bottom corner.  The coffee shop came into view and she parked and looked in the back, at the empty seat.  Gwaine had remembered that he was a father and had finally taken Mordred to the movies.  It had taken a lot of arguing, and had only happened when he’d been hit with her snarked comment that if he couldn’t be a husband that at least he could pretend to want to be a father.  It had hit low, and Morgana had hated herself for it.  Gwaine, for all his industrial unfaithfulness, wasn’t a bad man, and loved Mordred.  Morgana had only been so angry because she thought that Gwaine had had something lined up with one of his floozies.  She refused to think about the times when she’d almost wished Gwaine would take Mordred so that she could go and see Merlin.  It was different.  She never ignored Mordred for the sake of her pleasure.  And Merlin, much to her annoyance, was always more than happy to back off so she could spend more time with Mordred.  The problems were in that she wanted to spend time with both of them.  And she had a sneaking suspicion that Mordred, who hadn’t stopped talking about the dog he’d gotten to pat and ride that day, wouldn’t had been averse to the idea.  She got out of her car and waved to Gwen, who was already there.  She didn’t know, though, because her and Merlin weren’t anything.  It was just fun.  It would complicate a perfect situation.  He was perfect with her, and seemed happy with the arrangement.  Why spoil it?  She put the thoughts from her mind as she embraced Gwen and ordered a hot chocolate.  She gave her friend a huge grin and threw her loose hair back over her shoulder.  She’d let her natural curls grow out and was enjoying the sunshine.  They chatted aimlessly for a while, and Gwen finally shook her head and held up a hand. 

“You’re looking hot.  What’s going on?”  she demanded in a tone that brooked no argument.  Morgana blinked. 

“Well.. thank… you?” she managed in confusion.  Gwen shook her head again.

“I’m serious.  You look ready to give the devil a hard on.  You’re almost glowing.  And don’t think I haven’t noticed the change in attitude, either.  You’re getting some, honey, and I require details as your best friend.”  She nodded succinctly afterwards, and Morgana laughed and sat back, smiling into her hot chocolate.

“After Gwaine…  Well, I just decided that I ought to live life a bit more.  And if that included climbing on top of a random instead of searching for the love of my life, well, so be it.  Girl’s got needs,” she said, smiling widely.  “And what you’re seeing the is glow of a girl with her needs met.”  She laughed wickedly and Gwen covered her eyes and blushed. 

“What happened to starting again, looking for love?  Mr Right?”  Gwen wasn’t digging at her friend as much as reminding her what she had said she was looking for before things had changed.

“Do I have to classify it?  He’s Mr Right Now.  And whenever I can, at the moment.  I feel like a teenage again,” she laughed.  Gwen pursed her lips and nodded slowly. 

“So do I know him?”  Alarm flashed up in Morgana’s eyes and Gwen sat forward eagerly. “Is he…?”

“He’s not from school,” asserted Morgana, shaking her head.  Gwen sat back again and Morgana took another sip of her hot chocolate, slurping up a gooey, half melted marshmallow.  She hoped Gwen would drop it, but persistence wasn’t one of her friend’s most endearing qualities outside of work.

“Is it going anywhere, or are you just going for a ride?”  Gwen teased, half serious. 

“No, no the riding’s mutual,” Morgana blushed, flushing at her own boldness.  She considered it then, her earlier thoughts warring with her assumptions.  She knew Merlin was different than other men, she just didn’t know HOW different.  Surely he wouldn’t want to alter a perfectly good FWB deal?  She pursed her lips, thinking about it.  Gwen’s eyes went wide and she laughed. 

“You’re not saying “no” as immediately as what I’d have thought,” she noted. 

“He’s getting laid,” Morgana retorted, and waved a hand.  “I’m sure he won’t care. That we’re not… you know.  Going further,” she finished lamely.  

“Fair enough.” Gwen didn’t say anything, but looked at her with knowing eyes.  Gwen didn’t judge, and given the alarm in her eyes when Morgana had been faced with Gwen knowing who the guy was, she could only assume that she knew him.  She’d find out soon enough. 

∞∞Ŧ∞∞

When the house was finalised and signed off, and Morgana and Mordred had both agreed that it was the best house in the history of ever, Morgana had to make the decision, finally.  If Merlin was in her life for any longer purpose now, it wasn’t about him, or her, it was about the two of them, agreeing to move forward.  Which wasn’t going to happen, Morgana had decided.  She’d have him around for dinner, and in the morning, she’d break it off.  It wasn’t fair to keep him hanging on.  He was such a wonderful guy, that it just wasn’t fair.  She wasn’t happy about it, but had reasoned through it.  Until he walked in the door in moleskins and a blue shirt that set off his eyes perfectly.  His dark hair was sexily messy and his stubble was definitely going to feel her tongue by the end of the night.  She wanted to bite his chin.  Which made no sense.  But damn it if she didn’t want to bite his chin.  There was something wrong with her.  They made comfortable small talk as she prepared dinner, and Merlin went back for seconds, which he never did.  He complimented her on the dinner, and apologised and admitted that he was wrong in his assumption all those months ago.  Morgana smugly drank her wine and her eyes flashed hungrily at him as he tilted his glass of water to her in a salute. 

They sat in front of the garden window and chatted about aimless things, perfect things.  Ridiculous stories that had her laughing about his sexploits, and horror stories of her own.  Good stories about Mordred growing up, and the stress of the adoption process to balance it out.  Merlin talked about not knowing his father, and being determined to banish the ghosts of his father’s absence by being a good father one day.  It was… nice.  Not that it couldn’t have been simple, or sexy, but it was just… nice.  A comforting, safe, nice.  Merlin kissed the top of her head, and Morgana took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom.  The mood was decidedly different as Morgana slipped her dress off her shoulders and ran her fingers over Merlin’s stomach, lifting his shirt off.  She sat in her lingerie, undressing him slowly and watching him.  There was no sexual heat, but a heaviness to the air between them.  It wasn’t frenetic grabbing and gasping sex, but was almost a swell of passion.  Merlin’s eyes adored her as she took his pants down and slid back across the bed, inviting him into the sheets.  He slid across the forest green silk and against her body.  She could feel his thickness against her, straining against her, but it was all about it that was urgent or insistent.  He kissed at her slowly, taking his time and making love to her with his mouth, suckling at her shoulders and collarbones and taking his time as he moved down her body.  Her hand touched his thick head and the hot flesh pulsed under her grip as he gave a hoarse gasp, before holding her hand, taking her away from him as he slid down her body. 

“I need you,” she whispered quietly.  Merlin’s face paused and then he nodded, sliding back up her body and between her legs, almost instinctively.  Morgana gasped as she felt him push inside of her, and then her legs wrapped about him.  Merlin reared back and kissed her gently, reverently.  He began moving inside of her slowly, and Morgana’s world fell away into cresting waves of pressure and release.

It was early evening when she opened her eyes to Merlin’s light breathing in her hair.  She moved slightly, and Merlin’s breathing changed as he opened his eyes.  They snuggled in and she listed to his heartbeat thrum through his chest.  The warmth seeped up into her and she gave a contented little sound.  She was going to miss it.  Of that, she was certain. 

“Are you seeing anyone?” she began.  Merlin tilted his head to look at her, and then raised a rueful eyebrow and cradled her in his forearms, indicating her. 

“Yes,” he said simply, as if it were obvious.  Morgana swallowed in sudden fear and nervousness.  She didn’t know if she could handle him falling for her.  She had only been divorced for…  she tried to think about it, but Merlin’s hands were digging magic fingers into her spine, and her legs were going to jelly that somehow changed her brain to gelatine as well.

“I mean someone real.  With real prospects for a future.  Not just…  this.”  She hated the words as soon as they came out of her mouth.  She felt Merlin pull back from her, although his arms didn’t shift from cradling her.  Morgana bit her teeth hard and then forcibly relaxed and waited.  Eventually, Merlin shrugged almost complacently.  She knew she’d hurt him, but he’d shut her out.  She deserved it, she conceded. 

“So it doesn’t mean anything, right?  This?”  It wasn’t like his tone was accusatory, but she flinched a little at his words.  It was the cavalier way that he said it.  It only took a moment for Morgana to realise she’d made a grave error.  She DID want something more from him.  She DID want it to mean something more.  But the words were out there, and she’d invited them.  Now, she couldn’t take them back. 

“Just two people who enjoy their time together, and each other’s bodies.  Enjoy the sex they have.  We have,” she clarified, hoping he’d agree.  Or maybe hoping he’d disagree.  She honestly didn’t know.  Merlin nodded above her. 

“So.”  He didn’t say anything more, and she stopped biting her nails and reached out, playing designs into his chest.   

“Right,” she agreed, succinctly.  She coldly pulled away from him, not angry with him, but having no one to blame but herself.  And Gwaine.  But he was hardly a factor.  He was just the first one she wanted to blame.  Somehow.  She got out of bed and began to get dressed.  Merlin followed suit, slowly, watching her and seeing too much.  They didn’t say anything as they went to the door and she opened it silently.  Merlin stopped in the doorway and considered her.  She gave him a smile that didn’t hide enough, and he tilted his head to the side like a soulful eyed puppy and looked into her.  Morgana didn’t want it, didn’t want him to see how vulnerable she was suddenly feeling, or why.  Because she didn’t want to think about why.  She’d been out of the dating game for too long, she thought sadly.  Mistakes were too easy to make.  She looked up at Merlin as he pushed her against the wall and his hand slid up to her throat.

Even though he held her bruisingly hard, his lips were silken soft at hers, drinking her in.  The kiss was slow and searing, as though he was taking deep breaths of her and pushing every button he could in a single kiss of possessive desire.  Morgana melted and his hand tightened, pulling her closer to his kiss and wrapping her in his arms.  He kissed her harder, sliding his tongue against hers and moaning lowly into her mouth as she surged against him.  His fingers twirled in her hair and made a fist of her silken tendrils, pulling her even closer into his embrace.  When the kiss was done, released as abruptly as it began, Morgana could see stars, having forgotten to breathe.  When the kiss broke, she stepped forward, wanting more from him, but met his firm nod and abrupt leave.  As the lock click behind her, she ran her hands over her hair and slumped back against the wall. 

“Holy fuck.”  She could feel the longing and desire in his kiss, but moreso, the absolute power of his passion.  Every time she thought she had him figured out, he showed her another facet.  He was an endless story, she realised.  The tenderness, the passion, everything that he kept hidden, he’d shown her.  Morgana ran her hands and fingertips over her lips, ridiculously thinking about how his lips could be so soft against her.  Her phone beeped in the bedroom, and she quickly ducked in, jumping into the bed and burying her head in the pillows, nuzzling into his scent.  Her face scrunched up at her phone, which rang, surprising her.  Merlin.

“Do you need Ice Cream?”  She did, but wasn’t quite as quick as Merlin had been.  She blinked at the question and nodded slowly.

“Yes.”  They needed to talk anyway.  Ice cream would help with after, when everything hurt.  She had been trying to end it, she just…  it was strawberry ice cream.  Or it would be.  “Strawberry.  With real Strawberries.  Not the chemical flavoured milk.”  Merlin laughed at her demands, and she could hear the car in the background. 

“At least we don’t have to get two flavours,” he noted as he hung up.  Half an hour later, the doorbell rang, and she tied his shirt around her waist and hitched up her tracksuit pants.  She’d ordered Chinese, and there was no way of telling when it would arrive.  She opened the door a sliver and then smiled at Merlin, who held up frozen strawberries in a packet and some strawberry ice cream.  She smiled and took the ice cream and shut the door.  There was a startled silence as she stood there, smiling to herself as she opened the lid and stuck a finger in, using it as a spoon.  Merlin knocked at the door and she opened it, staring at him innocently as she sucked on her finger.  His expression didn’t change, but his ears reddened considerably, and Morgana raised an eyebrow at him as she licked her lips.  Merlin held up two spoons and she conceded, letting him in the door.  She stood on the tiles in bare feet, barely coming up to his chest.  She was actually quite short; it was just that he always felt she was taller because of how strong a person she was.  Merlin’s eyes travelled up her legs and lingered on her thighs with a very dark expression of hunger before continuing up to her neck and how his shirt edged the swell of her breasts perfectly.  Just on his collarbone was a dark mark, forming, and Morgana cleared her throat in embarrassment at how hard she’d taken him in the midst of her climax.  He hadn’t complained at the time, had actually seemed to enjoy it.  They ate in the lounge, on the rug.  She’d wanted to speak to him, but every time she thought about pushing him away, she found the need suddenly to sidle closer to him.  By the time the sun had well and truly set, she was full of ice cream and lying on her back, resting her head on his stomach, which was still rock hard despite the ice cream.  Spitefully, she wondered if he even had to go to the gym like normal people.

“I need to talk to you about something,” he began tentatively.  Morgana flinched.  Maybe she wouldn’t have to break up with him.  Maybe he was going to do it for her?  “I don’t want you to get upset.”  There it was, she thought as his chest reverberated with his words.  It wasn’t as if she didn’t deserve his next words, but she couldn’t help to downplay it, on the slim hope she held onto that she could salvage either her words or her insensitivity.  Irrationally, she thought that he’d also done the same, and that he was just as guilty as she was of not being honest in the relationship. 

“Sounds ominous,” she prodded. 

“I’m afraid it is,” he said slowly, taking deep breaths.  “I think…”  Merlin trailed off and it held there. 

 _“We should see other people.  This isn’t going to work.  I think we’re moving too fast and we should go off somewhere away from one another for a bit.  We need a break.  We need to break up.”_ Morgana’s inner monologue screamed past her on the crazy train to assumption town as Merlin pursed his lips, unwilling to continue. 

She turned her head to him and stared into his eyes, begging him to go through with it.  If she had to break up with him, it was better for him to move on strong.  She could deal with that, if he was going to be okay.  She didn’t dwell on it as he opened his mouth.

“… you’ve eaten all the ice cream.”  Morgana stared at him. The corner of his mouth quirked up.  He’d played her.  Bastard.

“It’s possible.  It IS my favourite.  On two levels.  I love the colour of pink as well. What’s your favourite colour?  I don’t even know that.”  She waited, hoping it was just a distraction and that she hadn’t been so well played.  “Was that it?”

“It changes, but there’s a general theme,” he admitted, staring deeply into her eyes.  Morgana raised an eyebrow at him and deftly snatched the spoon from the ice cream bucket and slapped his bare nipple with the bare steel.  Merlin hissed in pain and overacted fear.  She shook her head and waved the spoon in warning at him.

“It’s more than important.  I can’t ever get enough strawberr…”

“I’m not in love with you,” he interrupted.  Morgana paused, her mouth open, and then blinked. 

“Okay.  Not where I thought this was leading,” she admitted, rolling over and sitting up.  Merlin stayed where he was, laying at her hip. 

“But it’s not going to take much.  I’m… having a lot of fun around you.  With you.  Even though you scare the shit out of me.”  He waited as she digested that.  Ruefully, she shrugged and tilted her head helplessly.

“Just what every girl loves to hear,” she joked.  Merlin getting serious was something she wasn’t prepared to deal with, really.  Even though she’d wanted it, she hadn’t wanted earnest and heartfelt.  Gwaine hadn’t ever been honest.  She didn’t know if she could push Merlin away.  Why did she even want to, she demanded silently.  Because he didn’t want more.  Except that maybe…  maybe she didn’t have to lose him.  She looked at him with suddenly prickly eyes as he smiled softly, catching her hand and touching her palm with his fingertips. 

“I’m serious.  I guess…  I didn’t want to talk about it earlier.  But that’s not really fair, is it?”  He trailed off and waited, and Morgana slowly moved closer to his shoulders as he sat up towards her.

“IF you wanted more… we agreed that this was going to be just about having fun and good sex.  You’ve never… I thought you just wanted what you were getting, and that was it.  I didn’t want to push.  I didn’t think anything of it until…”  He held up a hand, and nodded.

“I know what we agreed.  But it’s not just any girl that I’d be willing to share ice cream with.  And it’s a sign from the fates that we like the same type.”  His earnest expression was only cut out by his twinkling eyes and feigned seriousness.  He was adorable.  She was lost, and started to laugh helplessly.   

“Break out the wedding rings, we both like a normal, generic flavour of ice cream.”  She said it sardonically, but he smiled and nodded.  She fell silent and when Merlin spoke, his voice was quiet, intimate.  Loving. 

“I’m serious, Morgana.”  His voice tugged at things in her chest that were busy backflipping, and her eyes were suspiciously hot.  Would it be so hard?  Everything between them had been perfect thus far.  How long would he stick around if things changed?  She’d been burnt before.

“Isn’t this just easy for you?  The way things are?” she asked, giving him a way out.  Merlin nodded, much to her dismay.

“Yes.  Very.”  He ducked his head, catching her gaze and grinned, his face lighting up as he looked into hers.  “Life with you, every time I spend time with you, it’s easy.  That’s kind of my point,” he added.  Be he didn’t know her, not really.  Not enough.  Morgana shook her head, but her fingers clenched down tightly on his hand when he tried to pull away.  

“Why do you want to change things up then?  It’s easy enough to ruin it, Merlin.”  He looked crestfallen at her realism, and met it with silence as whatever he was thinking was hidden behind those deep blue eyes that she wanted to wake up and see every morning.  She was too damned stubborn for her own good.  He wanted her, really wanted her.  But she had more to think about that just herself.  It was BECAUSE she liked him that she wanted him to be sure about this.   “You started this, Merlin.  So see it through.”  His arms tensed up and he pushed up, close to her face enough to lean in and kiss her if she let him.  And she wanted to, so badly.   

“Fine.  We need to stop doing this,” he said, gesturing to the two of them.  “I thought I could do it, do the whole friends with benefits thing.  But I was wrong.  I can’t do it anymore.  Not with you.  I…”  She lurched away from him, stung.  She’d wanted more, and he’d had enough.  But not before using her for another romp, she thought bitterly, irrationally disregarding his return to her arms with ice cream.   

“Nice of you to get laid before talking to me about this.  Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”  She got up angrily and Merlin pursed his lips in disapproval at her behaviour, but was wise enough not to make an issue of it.  She’d been through a lot, he knew.   

“You don’t need to get defensive,” he began, and she whirled on him, crossing her arms as her eyes flashed at him.  He knew he was lost when all he could think about was how beautiful she looked when she was angry. 

“I didn’t see you trying to be so chivalrous when I was sitting on face!”  Merlin winced at the acid in her voice and knew she was lashing out.  “I think you need to go,” she added.  Merlin stood up and walked toward her as she turned her back on him.  He could see how much he’d hurt her.  He just didn’t know…  fuck it.

“What are you doing!?” she screamed as he picked her up into his arms and carrying her to the bedroom.  He sat down on the bed and pulled her on top of him, resting his hands on her rear.  He pulled his arms up, not trapping her as much as holding her to him.  She could easily get out if she wanted to.  The tears in her eyes lit with frustration as she couldn’t decide what she wanted to do. 

“I’m trying to tell you that I’m full of shit.”  She blinked and sat up, stunned as she stared at him in incomprehension.  Merlin pursed his lips and took a breath.  “You’re…  I’m in love with you.  I am.  I… I thought you didn’t…  I know it’s not what you want to hear.  And I’m sorry.  It won’t change anything about how I treat you, if you don’t want…  Gods, I’m stuffing this up.  You always do this to me.  I can’t even think straight when I’m with you.”  She sat up and he held her, sitting up with her.  Her legs locked around his hips as her arms settled against his shoulders.  Merlin swallowed.

“I know I fucked up.  I get that.  I’m sor…”

“You didn’t fuck up,” she offered softly.  Merlin stopped and looked up into her eyes.  Morgana gave a soft scoff and looked at his mouth, kissing him softly in thanks and running a thumb across his lips.  “I wanted you to fall in love with me.  I wanted you to fall for me.  I just… didn’t know what I would feel about it until it happened.  But it’s not your fault.  It’s mine.  I did everything I could to make you love me because I needed it.  I thought I did.  I thought I needed someone, anyone, to still want me.  I didn’t realise that I needed you in particular.  So; it’s not your fault.  It’s mine.”  She broke off as Merlin’s look turned incredulous. 

“You think that because you wanted me to want you that that’s why it happened?” he asked in soft disbelief.  Morgana shrugged as she held him, not willing to let him go until she had to. 

“I know you didn’t want it.  Didn’t want feelings involved with me.”  Morgana didn’t meet his eyes until he gave a soft scoff.

“Fuck that,” he said emphatically.  “I wanted you from the moment you smiled at Mordred playing with Kilgarrah.”  Morgana looked into his eyes and could only see honesty there.  Merlin started to smile, a smile she couldn’t help but answer.  Merlin’s grin grew as his heartbeat started to increase. 

“Morgana…” he began, his voice strained with tension.  “If you want this… I do.  I really do.  If you don’t, though, if it’s not the right time, or you think… whatever it is that is going to make you not want this… then I’ll deal with it.  I’ll go with whatever you decide.  I’ve already decided, but it’s up to both of us.  I don’t want to waste another chance at actually looking forward to spending time with someone.”  Merlin’s smile answered her own and Morgana tossed her hair over her shoulder, like she knew he liked.  It was a testament to the moment that only a momentary flicker of desire lit his eyes.  He was serious.  She could tell.  Her heart and stomach just had to calm down and stop doing backflips and pole vaults. 

“Morgana…  I want to be a part of your life.”  Backflip, backflip, backflip. 

“You are,” she admitted.  “I didn’t mean for it to happen.  But you are.  You’re in here,” she said, tapping her temple, and then her heart.  “And here.”  Merlin shifted, pulling her closer until their faces were nearly touching.  Morgana was beginning to cry, she couldn’t stop it.  She wanted to both hold it together and let everything out at once. 

“I want to meet your life,” he said in wonder at the possibility.  There was a boyish amazement to his face as she touched his cheeks, running her fingertips down his jaw.  Her lips parted.

“Okay,” she whispered. 

“I mean it… I mean Mordred’s great, and I have a lot of fun with him; he’s an amazing kid.  I know he’s got a father, but I still have a lot to offer him, even as a friend.  Not just Mordred, either, but everyone.  And you, more you, I need… I want to get to know everything about you.  I want to be… YOURS.”  She nodded again, her smile growing as she ran her fingertips down the side of his face. 

“I said “Okay,” Merlin…. Just… Be mine?”  He pushed up and enfolded her completely in his arms.  They began to kiss again, and Morgana felt the tears come.  He worshipped her.  Completely.  She wasn’t afraid.  She was his.  Like he was hers.

“Always was.  Always will be.” 

 FIN


End file.
